09/15/24

I am not normal about this visual novel love interest. She grabbed me at a time in my life when I was really scared and stressed, and she was a huge comfort character in that time, and she kinda broke my brain entirely.

Sayuri Comms/Gifts Gallery Here

Sayuri would probably be described by most as a standard tsundere, which, while not exactly inaccurate, is kinda incomplete. She doesn't just play hard to get, she legitimately hates Kaori, the protagonist. When you first meet her, she is already extremely cross with you. She is stubborn and angry, but she has her reasons for everything she does. Her route does feel like you are legitimately earning her respect, then friendship and love. And it is so sweet when she finally starts letting her barriers down and you see that this ice-cold hateful woman is really just an incredibly scared girl. She is just starting to make her way in the world and she feels simultaneously trapped and helpless. She needs to move forward and past her problems, but she is seriously ill, and stuck in the hospital, powerless to do anything to help herself.

She's trying her best, she's been through a lot, but she still works hard and she has nothing to show for it, her life's ambitions are on hold and she's stuck in the waiting room, literally and metaphorically.

Spoilers to follow this screenshot:

Sayuri has aplastic anemia, she is one of several patients you can choose to pursue (in the Re:Therapy release, otherwise she's the only one), but her condition is easily the most serious and life-threatening. She has had to put her nursing career on hold for treatment, treatment that will be miserable and even dangerous at times. She is simultaneously dealing with being disowned by her mother. She is lost and alone in a hospital, already a stressful event, but she no longer has a place to live, her only job prospects are on hold, and everything looks extremely bleak for her. She lashes out at Kaori, who she sees as undeservedly getting everything Sayuri wants.

She's not even entirely wrong. I like Kaori, but she is one of the most incompetent nurses of all time, her clumsiness exceeds comedy and reaches into just being pathetic. Genuinely astounding that she is somehow a licensed nurse. And her incompetence is immediately on exquisite display in Sayuri's route. It all starts when Kaori is supposed to meet her and check her into the hospital. She is late, and Sayuri is left in an unfamiliar environment, waiting with her bags, scared and alone. This is not a good first impression, and Kaori continues to bumble and fuck up constantly at every opportunity.

Sayuri, frustrated with how Kaori has gotten what she wants, but seemingly doesn't deserve it, gets increasingly angry with her, starting to bully and chide her at every given opportunity. She mocks her constantly, and Asami Imai does an absolutely fantastic job with the voice work of making her sound genuinely hateful. Unfortunately I am very into that.

After Kaori fucks up a routine IV insertion, Sayuri snaps, grabbing her, throwing her onto the bed, and biting her arm so hard she draws blood. Unfortunately I am also very into that, and this feeds the vampire headcanon I already started writing in my head the second I found out she had anemia.

At first this seems like ridiculous overkill, but, Kaori has continued fucking up her treatment the entire time, and given her condition, the botched IV is not only painful, but dangerous for her. She is very sensitive about her body, she is growing more and more pale, she's covered in bruises and the like, which last much longer and are much more long-lasting. She clearly takes a great deal of pride in her appearance, and Kaori's carelessness has only made her situation worse. So she acts out, giving Kaori a similar mark. Kaori is shaken and confused, and doesn't seem to grasp the meaning of this at first. I feel this is part of the turning point in their relationship. Kaori realizes she can't just keep excusing her mistakes when they have such serious consequences for her patients, and she starts working a lot harder to study up on Sayuri's condition and to try and do better.

Over the course of the game, Sayuri starts to warm up to Kaori, very slowly. She keeps up her cold hard exterior at first, however, not wanting to be truly vulnerable, or maybe feeling she simply can't be. Kaori sees she has a visitor, Sayuri's mother, and overhears some of the conversation. Concerned, she checks on Sayuri, who coldly and calmly explains she has just been disowned from the family. She smiles, acting as if she doesn't care. Kaori is frustrated by this, not understanding the situation, and chides her for her detachment, saying they're family, that she shouldn't let it end this way. Sayuri, already hiding behind a veil, trying to keep it together as her life is falling apart in front of her, lashes out at her. Sayuri has just lost her only safety net in the world. She is in the hospital, alone, she is now also homeless. She has never gotten along with her mother, and now someone is trying to tell her how to live her life. For all we know, she's been trying to get along with her mother for years and the differences are simply irreconcilable.

She tells Kaori off, rightfully, and demands she leaves. Kaori is removed from her care.

Soon, Sayuri's condition takes a turn for the worse, and she becomes even more frail. She needs a transplant desperately. She has her room sectioned off for quarantine, and is restricted to it due to her weakened immune system. She is given a portable toilet. She becomes weaker and can hardly take care of herself, cannot leave the room, interact with other patients, even go to the roof to enjoy some peace and quiet.

Eventually, she ceases eating. One of the worst things an anemic person could possibly do. In a fit of desperation, they have Kaori talk to her to try and get her to eat. Kaori is put back on her case, and she visits her, to find her reading a manga. Embarrassed at being seen this way, she quickly hides it and tries to change the subject. Kaori doesn't drop it though, and Sayuri tries to drive her away by asking, quite viciously asking why she wants to be friends so bad. Kaori, blundering dumbfuck she is, blurts out that it would be convenient. Sayuri is utterly baffled by this answer and just starts laughing. She relents and shows her the manga, adding that it's her third copy of it, because her mother kept throwing away her things without asking. I relate majorly to this, my parents threw away a bunch of stuff without asking throughout my childhood, and it's frustrating, especially when it's something hard to replace.

This is another moment where you start to see the girl behind the mask, she's frustrated, and trying to improve her shitty situation the best she can, with small comforts. She doesn't even share how scared she is. Kaori returns to her room later, finding that she again has a nosebleed, which she previously fumbled trying to treat. This time Kaori immediately sets upon stopping the bleeding and dealing with the blood. Sayuri notes her improvement, but is quick to try and temper the praise. Kaori starts pleading once again that she eat. Sayuri explodes, saying that nothing she eats tastes good anymore, another sign of her severe depression that has been slowly building the entire route.

Kaori returns to her room yet again, insisting again that she needs to eat, and asking if there is anything she would consider. Sayuri thinks for a moment and then sheepishly requests a dessert omelette she once had. It was made by her elementary school teacher, which she later tells you she had a massive crush on. She fondly remembers how this was the first time she'd had something homemade to eat. Kaori immediately hugs her tightly without even realizing it. Sayuri simply sits there and lets her, for once eschewing the hardened exterior and letting herself be comforted.

Kaori immediately sets upon reproducing this treat, getting Hatsumi's approval, and enlists Nagisa's help. After one last-ditch ham-fisted effort by her senpai to throw her off the Sayuri route, she relents and shows Kaori how to make the omelette. The next day, Sayuri is utterly baffled to find exactly what she requested. Tsundere that she is, of course she cannot let her feelings show. She is sobbing as she says it "isn't good" and quietly thanks Kaori for it. She eats half, and puts the rest in the fridge, commenting that it tastes better when you let it sit for a while.

This is another moment of hiding her feelings. She specifically leaves it there even while she is being transferred to another hospital, so she has something tying her to Kaori, to Yurigahama, something to look forward to, though she'd never admit it. A teary goodbye as she leaves for the other hospital, she tells Kaori she doesn't have to visit her, remarking that Kaori has her responsibilities and her previously stated fears of the treatment affecting her appearance. Kaori doesn't let it faze her one bit, remarking she'll go anyways, and Sayuri can just turn her down if she doesn't want visitors.

The day of the surgery comes and goes. Coincidentally, Kaori is called in to donate bone marrow on the same day. It is very heavily implied, (and in another ending, outright stated) that it's Sayuri she is donating to. All goes well, and we learn that Sayuri is recovering very well. Sayuri sneaks in a phone call to Kaori, remarking that it's hard when she can't hear her voice. Kinda gay. Sayuri is quickly discharged from the other hospital, and when she returns to Yurigahama, she is surprised to receive a warm welcome from the nursing staff, Kaori so spellbound she can't even speak. Sayuri locks eyes with Kaori, who offers her another omelette and welcomes her back. On the verge of tears, she happily proclaims "Hai, tadaima!"

You'd think that was the end of the route, or at least close to it, but no, there's another damn near 2 hours, but that's where I'll drop off here, or I'll end up summarizing the entire game.

I went into this game not entirely sure who I'd like, but Sayuri ended up being one of the first routes I played, and none of the others even came close. Sayuri's route is interesting to me in part because the Bad Ending, even, is really well written and made me love her even more. (Extreme, tragic, severe spoilers to follow this image)

In this ending, Sayuri's condition has worsened, the transplant has backfired, and she's truly given up all hope of recovery. She instead wanders off to the beach she had been watching from the roof of the hospital, hoping Kaori will follow her. When she arrives, she shares her grim prognosis, and remarks that she hasn't had her first kiss. Kaori and her spend the night together, Sayuri eventually succumbing to her condition.

In summary:

As a trans person, this particular scene also resonated with me a lot.

Sayuri also eventually opens up about her struggle with depression, which also resonated really strongly with me, as someone who has been suicidally depressed multiple times throughout my life.

I also really enjoyed that she briefly talks about her first crush, affirming that she has always been into women, she feels very explicitly lesbian even among the rest of the cast, and I really appreciated that. Yuri as a genre very often tiptoes around the subject of explicit lesbianism, or even sexuality in general, so seeing that this character I have so heavily attached to has not only always liked women, but doesn't feel any shame or hesitance in talking about it is really nice.

This is also interesting, because while we never see any of the other love interests discuss any attraction to men, they are also similarly vague about their attraction to women. In this game, also, unlike future Kogado yuri titles, men do exist. There are multiple voiced male characters, and one even has a sprite. I could write about my conflicting feelings about how the later titles eschew men entirely, and how that's a double-edged sword, but that would be better as its own post.

Regardless, it's a nice peek into her past, and if you paid close attention, as I mentioned earlier, you'll realize that this is likely (almost definitely) the same teacher that made her the sweet omelette that she treasured so much. Another nice touch.

She is also very explicit about what she wants, and it's really cute. You can see some parallels between her first crush and Kaori, at least in her mind.

Girl though, what do you mean older woman?!? She's 1 year your senior!

Thanks for reading all the way to the end! Or scrolling all the way down and gawking at how much there is! Either way!

It's been nearly a year and I'm still very obsessed with this fictional woman. She stole my heart and I love her dearly. If the game looks interesting to you, you can buy it on Steam or on the eShop as part of the "Nurse Love Obsession" bundle.

Update: It has now been 2 years and I have only grown more obsessed. 堺さゆりちゃん大好き！！

Thanks for indulging me!